I am thinking of breaking it off with Robert.
I don't know why the movie we saw tonight gave me such a deep desire to move on; if anything, it was about the opposite of moving on. But it was a thoughtful, emotional movie, and I came away from it thinking about whether to do it tonight, or to wait until the lease is up.
The only reason this is a problem is that I don't trust myself not to be sabotaging something good somehow. I always seem to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory--at least I try to. Is it me that is making me feel this way? Or him? I don't feel about him the way I did, that much is clear. What is not clear is whether it is because I am growing out of him, or if I am simply getting hot feet. He is wonderful, a truly magnificent human. But he doesn't give me sparkly eyes anymore.
Should I continue to wait it out? Should we have therapy? Should I have therapy? Should I tell him what I'm feeling and try to work it out together? Should I just make a clean break?
I think I can eliminate the last option. That feels like a cowardly way. Also, having therapy together seems silly. Waiting it out is not how I want to roll; life is too short. Sooo . . . talk to a therapost, or talk to Robert. Heh.
Update 5-5
It occurred to me today that everygood thing I get out of this relationship could more easily be had by buying a dog.
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Shit. Maybe a therapist is the way to go for both of us. I don't know. Funny...we're going through the same thing months apart. We need to make a pact to get on here more often.
I love you, Brandon. I'm sorry you have to go through this shit too. Maybe, this shows us that we are not alone.
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