I seriously want to kill myself right now, just buy a gun and blow my head off. School starts on Monday, and my room is no where close to being set up. There are no desks, everything is rusted and ghetto looking, The electricity doesn't work, it's sweltering and the air conditioner doesn't work because there's no electricity, It's upstairs and there's no elevator so I'm totally fucked on bad stump days, We're expecting 35 kids in a class and there's not even room for twenty in this room. At least I have curriculum lined up perfectly. Yeesh.

I am going to cry. My coworkers are all over my back, even the ones I got along with last year. There's some kind of conspiracy to be on my ass and make sure I get the shittiest of everything. Our step increases have been forzen because of the economy. I'm up to my ancestors in debt. I can't find happiness or pleasure in anything. On top of all that, you guys won't even read this.

What Do I Want For My Students?

I want them to be able to read something, and write or speak about it without sounding like idiots. I want them to think of themselves as good kids. I want them to be bigger than their stories. I want them to be in charge of themselves. I want them to like me. I want them to come to class. I want them to graduate. I want them to get good jobs. I want them to be happy. I want them to go through life actively and with awareness. I want them to question. I want them to discover. I want them to look back in twenty years and remember even one thing that I taught them. I want too much, but that's teaching.