I'm writing here because I feel like we don't write on here anymore. Because I need to vent. To share.

I'm in a blah mode lately. I'm not happy with anything. I'm not happy with life, friends, work, home, basically life.

I miss Vinny, but I don't. I know that I'm not meant to be with him. That he is not my soul mate or the man I am supposed to spend my life with, but I miss him. I miss being with someone. I miss someone holding me. I miss someone looking at me and thinking that I am perfect and the best person.

I don't really love my job. I thought I would love it, but it is hard. Much harder than I ever imagined. I am not thrilled, nor do I feel fulfilled with it. I need to go back to teaching. I hope that would help. I hope that would make me better. But would it? Would I just find another excuse to bitch? Probably. What a sad statement for my life.

I almost completed an entire eHarmony profile. Yep. That's what my life has come down to. Sad, sad story. I just can complete it. Besides the obvious reason (feeling like a complete tool because I can't even meet a real person without the assistance of a program to determine what makes us compatible), I couldn't answer the question: "what are you passionate about?" What a silly question to not be able to answer. But it is true. I don't know the answer. Not anymore at least. I've always adapted some part of me to make someone else happy--friends, boyfriends, family. Everyone. I don't even really know what I want anymore. Sure, I think I know, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I can't find happy. What would that mean? I think it would mean that I am fucked.

Life is shit. That is how I feel now.

Here's my ideal life situation: I write an amazing novel (I've already started it) and it is publishes and makes millions. I travel. I enjoy life. I write some more.

That would be amazing. :)

I'm choosing to end this blog of bitching on a happy note. Dreaming of a delightful future, that I hope I'll have, but I know I probably won't. Or maybe it will. Maybe I'll make it happen with the power of positive thinking. Yep, I'm hoping for that. :)